Redneck Notices and Ducks

So apparently my neighbors have had enough with the ducks at our house not staying in the neat little rows that they think we should comply with, so we got a visit from the county who left us a notice to get our ducks in the proper rows. I have always called these redneck notices, mostly because of the stereotype that people have of what a rednecks house would look like. In other words cars and and other stuff that respectable people don't have in their driveways, on their porches and in the front yard, of course in our case it really is more of a, you have too many teenagish boys living in and visiting your house kind of notice. You are allowed to have only one unlicensed vehicle in your driveway, we have three, you may not store water barrels in the front of your home and you may not have anything on your porch beyond something to sit on and maybe some yard appropriate decorations. I have all kinds of  stuff on my porch, shoes, swimming stuff from summer, sleds, toys from my grandson, a Christmas tree stand, oh and the only approved thing, an outdoor bench. So we have until leap day to get our ducks properly in line so we are now trying to get all those ducks to clean up and make us respectable.

I also got another kind of redneck notice this week, we have the three dogs as I have mentioned before, and the Escape Artist decided that she needed an adventure and took the Hoarder and Snort along, more ducks not in their row, staying properly behind the fence, so we got a visit from animal control, and redneck notice number two. I take good care of my dogs, they get all their vaccinations, they are microchippped, they are loved, and fed and spoiled, but they are not licensed, it's just one of those things you think about occasionally and then forget. That works until, well, until the county gets a call from the neighbors saying your dogs got out, again, and then they show up at your door with your ashamed looking dogs in tow and that tell tale piece of paper. So now I am busy trying to force all the ducks in line before the 29th of February so that the redneck notices can go away.

The problem is the ducks never stay in line, just when I think I have them going the same direction, one of them decides that it has a mind of its own and it goes a different direction, so I spend all my time chasing ducks.  I want order and I get the chaos called life. Every so often Horatio reminds me that they aren't my damn ducks, picks me up and sets me on my feet and off I go still trying to keep the ducks in line.

Enough for Now

The Furry Hoarders Cache

Because being serious all the time is wearing to the soul, so I want to go back and discuss one of my four footed furries. The Hoarder gets her name from her habit of taking packages of food down to her kennel where she either opens the package and proceeds to consume the contents prior to stashing the evidence of her crime under her bedding, or she stashes the whole thing under her bedding to be stealthily eaten at another time. One of her favorite things in the world is to get hold of a jar of peanut butter, how does she get to the contents? She somehow manages to chew the bottom out in a perfect circle like those can openers that open the side of the can instead of inside the top.

The other day I walked downstairs to change the laundry and seeing that the blankets in her kennel seemed to be gaining in height decided maybe I needed to clean it out. Here's the tally and identity of the remains.

 Her kennel contained: 1 soft shelled flour tortilla wrapper, 1 hard corn taco shell box, 2 Slurpee cups(the big plastic ones), 1 Subway sandwich wrapper, 6 empty fry sauce containers, 8 ketchup packets, 1 knife, 1 fork, 1 spoon(maybe she is trying to be lady like), 1 peanut butter jar, 1 plastic bag that used to hold a half dozen bread rolls, 6 paper plates, 1 empty bread bag, 2 butter wrappers(her other favorite food) and last but not least, 1 Styrofoam take out food container.

She should be fat, or at least normal weight, but alas no, she constantly looks as if no one ever feeds her, German Shorthairs tend to be thin but if dogs wore pants she would be a size zero, with room to spare. She is otherwise healthy, hyper and loving just as her breed tends to be, in fact I have always described Shorthairs as springs covered with a small amount of fur. Fat Dog knows she is a Hoarder and is constantly surveying that kennel just in case something got missed, after all a good mother dog cleans up after her children and though she never had any litters of puppies, she has decided all the other dogs and babies must be kept clean, and if she gets a little treat for her work, then it's like money found in the dryer, it belongs to she who finds it!

The Hoarder still can't find a treat under a cup even if you show it to her before you put it under the cup but with her other skills who needs that treat anyway. She can just go down and console herself with peanut butter after all.

Enough for Now