Shoulding on Myself

 I once heard Richard Blaise, who competed on Top Chef, state that he has these great ideas for wonderful meals and makes those meals reality only to hate them the second they were completed and want to throw the food away and start over because he never feels he had done good enough and should have done this thing and that thing different.

A counselor of mine called this "Shoulding on Yourself". I am very good at shoulding on myself, in fact I am so good I could teach classes. I judge myself constantly on what I feel I should have done and cannot see that I do anything well. For example I have created wedding cakes for family and others and like Richard Blaise would toss them out and start over because no amount of perfection would make me feel I had done well. I brush aside any praise and point out whatever flaws I perceive may be present.

So I decided I would stop shoulding on myself at least for a moment and list those things I have done, without putting the usual self qualifiers as to why it isn't good enough and without "shoulding".

1. I graduated from high school while married and after having a baby

2. I delivered six beautiful healthy baby boys without medications.

3. I have written two songs

5. I can sing

6. I went to college/nursing school while raising three small children and had a fourth child while
    attending college and graduated with honors.

7. I have been married to the same man for over 27 years.

8. I completed a bachelors in nursing, graduating respectively while mourning my child's death.

9. I survived the death of one of my sons.

10. My husband and I have opened a business/franchise and currently have two tax prep. stores

11. I have recently started a business with a long time friend

12. I decorate creative character cakes and have made a total of six wedding cakes, all self taught

13. My husband and I are raising one of our grandchildren.

Just a few things listed and hard for me to do without feeling that niggling little voice at the back of my head that tells me how my accomplishments are minor, not enough, so I'm squashing the should monster. I am good enough.

Enough for Now